Smile #4 ~ Nighttime Coffee

4 Jan

Today was one of those days where smiles were few and far between. Nothing was seriously wrong, just a whole bunch of little nothings that piled up until I felt heavy. My youngest wasn’t feeling well when he went to bed last night. He’s twelve years old, more than capable of taking care of himself on a normal day, but my Mommy Ears kept me awake all night in case he called out, or coughed funny, or slept poorly. Because of that, I overslept. Not by much, but enough to miss out on my morning quiet time — my “Me” time when I do my best (and sometimes only) writing of the day. It’s selfish time, I know, but I need it.  And I missed it this morning.

Josh still wasn’t feeling the best when he woke up, but he didn’t have a fever so I sent him to school. Today was the first day back after Christmas break, the start of second semester and some new classes. Too important to miss for just feeling kinda yucky. Mommy-guilt kicked in the instant the bus pulled out of the driveway, and I checked my phone every thirty-seven seconds for the remainder of the day, certain the school nurse would be calling. She didn’t, he was fine, but the guilt still clings.

Things didn’t improve once I got to work. Again, nothing serious happened. It was just a Monday kind of day on a Wednesday. Too much to do, not enough time. Deadlines looming. Annual reports. Taxes. Someone who needed assistance that we couldn’t provide. That always makes a day hard. I wish we could help everyone, all the time, but we can’t. There are rules. Guidelines. Limited funding dependent on donations. She didn’t qualify. She was understanding, and said ‘No worries, Sunshine!’ but I still worry. I wish we could have done more for her. For everyone. I said a little prayer. It didn’t feel like enough, but I know someone is listening. He will provide.

The phones were quiet and I should have stayed late to get caught up, but my sleepless night was catching up with me, tightening like a band around my head. I had hoped to fit in a visit to the vet for my kitty who has been suffering tummy troubles since before Christmas, but no luck there. Between my schedule and the vet’s, poor Poppy will have to wait until next Friday to get his check-up and handful of kitty treats from Dr. Schawang. When I got home, a hyper-happy black Lab came bounding up to greet me, but even that didn’t make me smile. Free-range Lilo means all three dogs have escaped their kennel. Again. Lilo’s the good one, faithful to a fault, and never wanders far from the house when she escapes. I honestly don’t know why she bothers wiggling her butt under the fence. She doesn’t do anything once she’s free, except lay on the driveway. The other two dogs, on the other hand, were hell and gone. My eyes immediately drifted to the highway, dreading I’d see the worst. Thankfully, I didn’t. The hooligans eventually came home not long after dark, filthy dirty, damp from the creek, and looking mighty guilty. Luckily, they didn’t drag anything home with them this time, but I keep expecting a phone call from one of my neighbors regarding missing chickens or traumatized cats.

Supper was a rushed affair. We’re almost out of milk. Homework’s done, but it took a lot of prodding to get that way. My head still hurts. It’s almost bedtime, and I am finally sitting down to write for the day. Beside me on the desk is a steaming mug of French Vanilla coffee, and as I sip I count my blessings that my day of little nothings stayed just that — little nothings. Nothing serious. Nothing life-changing. Just a blah day that I can sleep away, and wake anew in the morning.

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